What It's Like
by LivingInsanity
Summary: Gilbert is an eccentric student who wants to go to college for psychology after graduation. He's offered temporary placement at an asylum. His job? To get into the mind of murderer whose been locked away from the world for three years.
1. Prologue

_**Note from Insanity**__: _Well here is my first Hetalia story. I thought I'd fail at this but I guess it didn't turn out so bad in the end.

I'd really like to thank Madness. She's been such a great friend and beta. I don't think it would have sounded as good if it weren't for her awesome translating skills in French and Spanish (I've lost touch with my French…).

_**Another Note: **_My boyfriend and I are currently debating whether I can write a heterosexual pairing. I claimed I can. He says I can't because I love yaoi too much. Well, a pairing in this will prove I can! Ladies and gentlemen, **Feliciano** is a girl and is now named **Feliciana**.

**What It's Like**

**Prologue**

_ Ivan Braginski, age 14, was sitting up in his bed. He was home from school with the flu. His big sister, age 18, was in the kitchen last he knew. His mother was in her home office doing work. Ever since she had Natalya, now age 12, she had discovered her children had an odd condition. When one was sick, they were all sick. _

_ Katyusha, the eldest, __had somehow managed not to become bedridden. So, whilst her mother worked, she took care of her siblings. Natalya usually just coughed and sneezed, had the occasional vomit and was over exhausted. Ivan managed to vomit up anything he consumed, had hallucinations from the numerous headaches and the high fever and__ refused to sleep._

_ "Brother?" It was Katyusha. She walked into his room with a bowl of soup and a bottle of what looked to be medicine. Good thing she was training to be a doctor or else he would have freaked. She set them aside and placed her cold palm against his forehead._

_ "Still very warm…oh brother, must you always be so sick?" She joked as she carded her fingers through his hair. He managed a small smile before coughing. "Don't speak, little one." _

_ Sitting on the edge of the bed she poured some of the medicine into his soup. She knew he hated taking any form of medicine whether it was a capsule, a liquid or a shot. He had a fear ever since their father scared him when they took Katyusha to the hospital. She took a spoonful from the soup and held it to his lips. He shook his head._

_ "Brother, please? You need to get better; you can't keep missing school like this." Katyusha lightly scolded. She noticed his violet eyes grew sad. "Oh no, don't you even dare, Ivan Kalinin Braginski."_

_ He knew if he tried really hard to pull the sad eyes his sister wouldn't make him take the medicine. So he continued his attempts. He added sniffling as an added effect. Katyusha playfully batted him across the head. Ivan pouted._

_ "Brother, take one bite and I'll leave you alone. I have to go and check on Natalya and mom anyway." Katyusha was pleased when her brother gave in. As she put the spoon back she noticed his pout. _

_ "Oh don't give me that, it's not that bad. It could be a whole lot worse." She smiled as she leaned down and kissed his forehead. "Now, rest little one. I'll be back momentarily so we can change you out of those grimy clothes, da~?" _

_ He nodded his head__; s__peaking hurt his throat. She smiled and walked out the door, closing it gently. He turned as best as he could and tried to fall asleep. _

_ Moments passed and Katyusha wasn't back. Ivan was still awake. Sleep had eluded him __once again__. He waited and waited and waited. His patience was wearing thin. He was about to scream until he heard the door open. When he turned he saw Natalya standing there crying. He tilted his head._

_ "Natasha…what's…wrong?" His voice was broken and hard to understand. His sister pointed to the downstairs. Ivan became confused so he rose from his bed and started limping towards the door. He followed Natalya over the railing._

_There was screaming. Lots of screaming_

_ Ivan heard his father's voice and became concerned. His father was a scary man and even more intimidating when yelling. He also heard his mother and sister's voices. He made his way down the stairs as fast as he could. By the time he reached the foot of the staircase he heard a pain filled cry._

_ "Kat..." He urged his muscles to carry him faster. Finally he made it to his mother's office and saw his father towering over his mother and sister. His mother was holding Katyusha in her arms. The girl was holding her face in her hands, tears cascading down her cheeks. Blood seeped out from between her fingers. Ivan felt a heat rise in his chest. Whether it was his illness or his anger, he didn't care. Nobody hit his sister, not even his father. He tore open the door._

_ "Оставьте их в покое! (1)" Ivan screamed. His father turned __with such a vicious expression that made Ivan want to run away. But he didn't waver. His father wasn't man__ enough to be the man of this house. So it was up to Ivan to protect his family. _

_ "So, the little boy thinks he can fight his old man, da?" His father growled out. The malicious smile was still in place. Ivan just nodded his head. He wouldn't waste his words on this pathetic piece of flesh._

_ "You're not even man enough to protect your mother and sister!" He barked out a laugh. Ivan's violet eyes narrowed, they seemed to darken. He took his chance and ran at the man. He went to punch him but he was knocked back into a bookcase._

_ "Vanya! Nikolai, leave him alone! He's not well!" His mother tried to reason with his father. But there was no room for negotiating with him. There was no reasoning with a monster._

_ "Silence you bitch! You're the reason he's against me!" He raised his hand. Ivan's eyes widened. No one hit his mother. He grabbed the fire poker and rose to his feet. He silently walked up behind his father._

_ "До свидания, отец. (2)" Ivan drove the tool into the back of his father's skull. Katyusha and his mother just stared. He had truly killed someone. The young boy fell to his knees and broke into sobs but not over the man lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood._

_ Ivanna didn't know what to do. This was her husband and yet, this was also her son. She rose to her feet and walked over. Slowly she wrapped her arms around Ivan, holding him close. Her little boy wasn't a murderer. He wouldn't even harm a small bug. When he was younger, only being as high as Ivanna's knees, he had cried over a dead sunflower. _

_ "It's alright…my little sunflower, it's alright." She ran her fingers through his hair, whispering comforting words. Katyusha walked over and held onto him as well. _

_Little did they know, this would be the last time they would ever hold little Ivan._

_ Ivan was put on trial. His mother and sisters tried to save him but in the end he was institutionalized. For safety reasons the family was not allowed to see him. The little Russian boy cried and begged for his life. He pleaded for his mother to help him. Ivanna watched as they dragged her son away._

_Three years have passed._

**/**

Gilbert Beilschmidt was grinning like a mad man. He was sitting in the computer lab during his favorite class. No one could understand what was so exciting about psychology. It was about how the brain worked and all the diseases or dysfunctions, but Gilbert found fascinating. He even informed his brother he was going to be the most awesome psychologist ever.

"Mr. Beilschmidt, will you stay after school for a bit? There's someone who wants to meet with you and I." That was his psychology teacher, Mr. Berwald. His last name was difficult to pronounce.

"Can do since I'm that awesome, Mr. Berwald!" He grinned as he leaned back against his chair. The teacher shook his head as he returned to help the rest of his students.

"Hey! Over here, amigo!" Gilbert turned and saw his two best friends, Antonio and Francis. "What did Mr. Berwald want?"

"He needs me to stay after to meet with someone." Gilbert answered as he turned back to his screen. It was a bunch of psychological terms, definitions and charts. It all interested him. He wanted to help people with mental problems.

"Well, Antonio and I heard that someone from the asylum is here." Francis said as he smiled flirtatiously at his Prussian friend. "Maybe he's here to take you away, _oue_?"

Gilbert scowled as he punched Francis on the shoulder with a smirk. He was too awesome to be a mental patient. Antonio shook his head and grinned.

"Could it have something to do with that kid that killed his _papá_ a few years back, no crees?" Gilbert and Francis turned to their Spaniard friend. "You didn't hear about that?"

"What do you know about him?" Gilbert pressed on.

"Well, I don't know all the details… _Una familia de cinco, creo. __El padre, la madre, dos hijas y el crio_ (3). The father was abusive and would beat up his wife and kids, so the kid tried to protect his familia by killing his father. He was then put on trial and ended up in the asylum… that same one that's a few miles away from school, actually."Antonio finished his tale with a shudder. Gilbert and Francis were absolutely enthralled in the story he weaved for them.

"I'm sorry amigos but that's all I know. If Gilbert is meeting with someone from that asylum maybe you could find out more." The albino nodded his head. He would make it his mission to find out about that incident.

**/**

Gilbert packed up his bag and heaved it onto his shoulders. Today was their last day of school for their Christmas vacation. Alfred Jones wouldn't shut up about it. He claimed he was going to be heading to the airport to pick up Arthur, his boyfriend of two years. They met over summer vacation but Arthur was going to college in England. Matthew, Alfred's little brother, would be going to Francis' house. They'd been dating for a little over a year now. Alfred still protested his hatred for it.

As he walked out of the room and towards his teachers' office he began to think about his own love life. He had been single for a while now. Ever since his girlfriend left him for some sophisticated asshole he had been depressed. She claimed he was too eccentric for her tastes.

"Eccentric she calls me…yet she's the one wielding the fucking frying pan." He muttered under his breath. As he looked up he noticed Antonio and Francis waiting for him. "Weren't you guys supposed to be gone by now? I thought Romano was coming in from Italy tonight. I know Ludwig wouldn't shut up about Feliciana. And weren't you supposed to meet Mattie at your house tonight, Francis?"

"Ludwig is going to pick up Romano for me since he's going to get Feliciana." Antonio said with a grin.

"As for Mathieu, he's been informed of me being late. So no need to worry, _mon ami_, we're here to back you up." Francis said with his best smile. Gilbert grinned and nodded as they continued their venture towards the office.

**/**

Gilbert was nervous. Sitting in the office with him, his friends and the teacher was indeed someone from the asylum down the street. He was also indeed on the hunt for the albino.

"So, your teacher told me you're interested in psychology, Gilbert." The man asked with a smile. The albino just nodded his head silently. "Well, I've talked it over with your teacher and I've arranged for you to work at the asylum for the duration of your vacation. If you're still into it, we'll considering giving you a permanent job."

"I'll be able to help people?" Gilbert's eyes widened. His friends wanted to laugh at his expression, it was so priceless.

"Well, not as a psychologist. You'd have to have a degree for that. But you would sit with our patients and talk to them, take care of them." The man explained. Gilbert thought about it for a moment. "If the patients improve by having you around then well, you must be doing something right."

"Alright, I'll do it!" The Prussian grinned as he held his hand out. The man smiled and shook it.

**/**

"Gil, are you sure you want to do this? I mean, I know you're excited but still." Antonio said with a small smile.

"Of course I'm sure! So stop worrying! Tell you what. Be at my house before I get out of work and I'll prove how awesome it is!" Gilbert said with a proud smirk.

"Alright, just be careful, _oui_?" Francis said as he placed a firm but gentle grip on Gilbert's shoulder. The albino nodded and made his way up towards the front door of his house. He heard giggling and laughing. Feliciana must be here already.

He so couldn't wait to tell his brother.

**End Chapter I**

**Translations:**

1. Leave them alone!

2. Goodbye, father.

3. A family of five, I think. The father, the mother, two daughters and the boy.


	2. Chapter I: Chained Innocence

**What It's Like**

**Chapter I: Chained Innocence**

**Previously:**

"_Alright, just be careful, oui?" Francis said as he placed a firm but gentle grip on Gilbert's shoulder. The albino nodded and made his way up towards the front door of his house. He heard giggling and laughing. Feliciana must be here already._

_He so couldn't wait to tell his brother._

**/**

Gilbert barely had time to walk through the door before he was attacked by a hyper Italian girl. He smiled as he wrapped his arms around Feliciana. The girl was indeed loveable and fun. How his brother got so lucky, he'd never know.

"Welcome home, ve~!" The girl said as he kissed his cheeks and grinned at him. "I made pasta, Gil! You do like pasta, right?"

"Feliciana, I'm hurt! How could you think that the awesome me doesn't like pasta, especially your awesome pasta!" The albino said as he pet the brunette's head. The girl giggled and fled into the kitchen. Ludwig was leaning against the doorway to the kitchen with a smirk on his face.

"I take it you got your typical greeting?" The blonde asked

"As typical as Feliciana's greetings can get. But man, I got to tell you she's getting stronger or something! I think she knocked my organs around…" Gilbert rubbed his stomach.

"Ja, that sounds like her. So, mind telling me why I had to deal with Lovino today? I don't know how Antonio puts up with him! He's rude and obnoxious." The German complained with a slight scowl on his face. Being called a 'potato bastard' for the entire ride was NOT fun.

"Sorry about that, brüder. But one of my teachers wanted me to stay after. I got a job offer at an asylum." Gilbert said with a nonchalant smile.

"Oh that's wonder-…WHAT!" The yelled echoed through the house. Feliciana looked up from the pot of pasta and blinked. She walked through the door and saw Ludwig holding Gilbert against the wall.

**/**

Gilbert was standing in the shower. His fingers scrubbing pale white hair. Standing in a little bowl built into the shower was Gilbird. The little yellow fuzz was prissier about being clean than his owner.

"Yesterday could have gone a whole lot better, huh?" He asked as he poured a bit of bird shampoo into the bowl. The bird ruffled its feather. Suds gathered into feathers leaving him to be a ball of white. Gilbert couldn't hold back his laughter.

"Gilbird, wash off those suds! We have to look awesome for our first day of work!" Gilbert said as he splashed water at his awesome buddy. The yellow bird let out an unhappy chirp. It ruffled its feathers to clean off the suds. Gilbert suddenly felt little black eyes on him.

"Oh you know how to dry yourself off! Or are you looking to use the hair dryer?" The bird seemed to respond. "You'll be a ball of yellow fluff! But alright, I guess you can use it!"

The Prussian lifted Gilbird onto his head and turned the water off. Drops slipped down the contours of his body and into the tub. He was built but not like his brother, he much more lean than Ludwig.

"You know, Gilbird, I'll never understand how no girl or even guy can like me! You think my awesomeness is too much for them to handle?" He asked as he dried off his body. The little bird chirped happily as it shook the water of its feathers.

"Damn straight, awesome buddy!" The albino grabbed the hair dryer and turned it on. He aimed it at his hair and Gilbird, who was clinging to his scalp with his tiny claws. Gilbert couldn't help but laugh. When it was dry he turned the dryer off. He grabbed Gilbird and smiled at him.

"Feel better?" The bird shook and its feathers fluffed out. The bird looked like a plush or a cotton ball that belonged on a child's art piece. He laughed and set down his friend. He brushed his hair and wrapped a towel around his waist. Gilbird flew up and perched on Gilbert's head.

He dressed in a white long sleeved shirt and pulled a short sleeved black shirt over it. He reached into his dressed and grabbed a pair of black jeans. After tugging on a sweater and boots he heaved a bag onto his shoulder. Gilbird nestled into one of the pockets of the sweater. He closed the door and headed down the stairs.

**/**

He knew his brother wouldn't be up yet. Feliciana had a habit of being very energetic the first night. He left note so that would just have to suffice. As he walked down the streets he noticed that people were giving him some strange looks and even whispering.

"I hear he's taking care of that crazy kid…"

"Poor Gil…he was a good kid."

"I bet Braginski will rip him apart and eat his guts. I hear that's his thing."

Gilbert didn't know what they were talking about so he just kept walking to Antonio's house. When he saw the house in sight he practically ran. He was sick of the stares and the whispers. It was like he was a dead man walking. He burst through the door and slammed it shut. He looked up and saw Romano standing there holding a cup.

"You know, it's rude to just burst into peoples' homes." The Italian said with a slight scowl but Gilbert could see the smile. "Come on, the tomato fool and pervert are in the living room."

"Thanks, Roma." Gilbert said as he followed the elder Vargas twin into the living room. When he walked in he saw his two friends sitting in front of the television playing a video game. Gilbird chose this moment to pop out from his pocket and land on the tray of tomatoes that Antonio had out.

"Hey Toni…if you don't want all your precious tomatoes to be eaten I suggest you hide them!" Gilbert called out. The Spaniard looked over and screamed. He reached for a pillow and chased the yellow bird around the room. Francis laughed as his friend tripped over all the furniture screaming about how Gilbird was a "yellow abomination with wings".

"So Gil, I thought you were leaving for work." Francis pointed out as Matthew walked over and plopped onto his lap.

"I'm leaving for work but I wanted to stop by and see you guys before I left. Needed to remind you twits to be at my house before 8 o' clock, that's when I get out. I'm going to be spending the next six hours of my awesome time with a crazy patient." The trio laughed.

"But guys, before I leave I do have a question." Gilbert felt two sets of eyes staring at him. "Who is Braginski?"

**/**

_ "Braginski? I've heard of that name. A woman named Ivanna Braginski works for my mother." Matthew said with a smile. "She's widowed with two daughters. Her eldest is still in school for her medical degree. The other is in some prestige all girls' boarding school."_

_ "Does she have a son?" Gilbert questioned._

_ "Not sure but I'm under the suspicion she might. I've seen pictures of a rather young male." Matthew said with a smile._

_ "How do you know it's not the husband from the early day?" Francis cocked an eyebrow._

_ "Well unless Ivanna is a pedophile. The kid looked to be about 13, maybe 14 years old and he looked exactly like her." Matthew admitted. "He had bright purple eyes with a big grin on his face. He looked like he couldn't even harm a fly!"_

**/**

Gilbert couldn't believe what Matthew had said. Everyone made the Braginski in the asylum sound like a cannibal. But Matthew painted a picture of an innocent child! What was he to believe?

"What do you think Gilbird?" The yellow bird cheeped again and burrowed itself into its owner's sweater. "I understand. This is a dangerous but it'll be worth it in the end, right?"

The bird never answered. Gilbert found a pale white building looming over him.

**/**

Gilbert was walking down the halls with the man he spoke to at the school. He was going to grab the file of the patient he had been assigned to. He said Gilbird could stay as long as he didn't get out of control. Gilbert promised that the fuzz ball would be on his best behavior.

"So, Mr. Beilschmidt, we have chosen a special case for you. We tried giving this to numerous others but they right out refused once they heard the entire case. We were hoping you could be of some help to him." The doctor said with a smile as he walked into office and pulled a file off his desk. It was small. That meant they never had a real, opportune chance to speak with patient due to drug effects or uncooperative behavior.

Gilbert's eyes caught a glance at the file name. It was titled "Braginski". The first name was hidden by the doctor's hand. He knew this was his chance to find out if this Braginski kid was a cold, heartless murderer or an innocent child.

"Gilbert, this is the file on our patient. It's not very big but that is due to certain circumstances." He handed the folder over to the Prussian. Red eyes scanned over the name.

_**Braginski, Ivan Kalinin.**_

"So, what do I take notes in this?" Gilbert questioned. The doctor nodded and called over a nurse. He heard mentions of a cell and became confused.

_'They put a patient in the cell? I'm only going to assume murderer now…' _Gilbert concluded as his eyes kept glancing back down at the file in his hands. Gilbird was starting to become restless in his pocket.

"We rarely use this wing. Just for our more violent cases, you know?" The nurse explained with a smile. It was so sugary and fake. Gilbert wanted to vomit right on the spot.

_'Right on those shoes of hers, the fake bitch…' _He grinned. He nearly bumped into her before noticing they had stopped.

"Well, here we are Mr. Beilschmidt! Enjoy!" The nurse left with such a speed Gilbert barely had time to thank her. He shrugged. He wouldn't have wanted to thank the bitch anyway. His red eyes looked at the metal door in front of him. He opened it and walked inside.

**/**

Ivan Kalinin Braginski was labeled as a cold, heartless murderer. His eyes were the definition of emotionless. His mind was always plotting up ways to kill someone. Sometimes even in the most sickest and twisted of ways.

As soon as he flicked on the lights he wanted to scream. He just couldn't see the cold, emotionless killer everyone was talking about. What he saw was something sick and disgusting. Something that no human, murderer or not, should ever endure.

Ivan was in a straight jacket that looked to be too tight on his small frame. His legs were bound together with what looked like leather material but he could have been wrong. Chains trailed from the straight jacket and kept him bound to the bed. It looked unkempt. This was definitely something Arthur would never stand for. But what really took the cake was the fact that there was a Plexiglas box around the bed. The only way in was a door that had a padlock on it. There were holes drilled into the box for, what Gilbert could only assume, air and communication.

He walked over to the box and placed a shaking hand on its surface. He wanted to bang on it and break it. Wanted to run out of the room and scream for someone to let him out. But he knew they'd just feed him excuse. He sank to his knees, both hands pressed against the barrier. His red eyes looked over the small form.

"You're…so small. Do they even take care of you?" Gilbert cried out. The Russian just stared at him. "This…this is inhumane!"

He rose to his feet and walked over to the door. With all the strength he could muster he started yanking at the padlock. The Russian watched with a certain fascination. Someone was actually trying to get in? Usually people would do pretty much anything to get away from him. But this one was trying to get closer? It was most odd.

Gilbert dropped to his knees, hands still clasped over the padlock. He was suddenly reminded he wasn't alone. His little yellow friend came up and nuzzling into his white hair. A grin came to his face.

"Awesome buddy, I need a favor." Gilbert grabbed his little fluffy friend and held him up to the little air hole. The bird chirped at it and slipped through. Spreading its wings it glided over to the bed and landed on Ivan's knees.

Ivan stared at the little bird.

"Ivan, this is one of my friends. His name is Gilbird and he's awesome. Gilbird, this is my awesome new patient, Ivan. We have to help him get better." Gilbert said with a sad smile. No matter how horrible, no matter how insane patients got they should never be treated this way.

**/**

Even with the barrier between them, Gilbert managed. He told Ivan all about his ambition to be the best psychologist. How he found his awesome buddy, Gilbird. The purple-eyed man seemed to enjoy the company of the little bird. Red eyes glanced at the clock and it hurt to see it was time for him to leave. He rose to his feet with a sad sigh.

"Well, Ivan…I've got to go home. But I will return! So don't worry!" Gilbert tried to grin but whenever he seemed to remember that Ivan was chained to the bed he grew a little sad. He noticed Ivan's eyes were watching him closely.

"Bye Ivan. C'mon Gilbird…" The yellow fuzz ball flew back through the hole and landed on its owner's head. "You want me to keep the light on?"

Ivan nodded his head and curled back up into a ball.

**/**

Gilbert walked down the halls of the asylum. All the nurses and staff seemed blissfully unaware of the fact that there was a patient that needed their help. He growled and balled his fists. He wanted to scream, he wanted to punch someone but he knew he couldn't.

"Gilbert! How was your first day?" It was the doctor from earlier. The albino looked down. "Well?"

"It was…alright. Doc, you didn't tell me Ivan was chained to a bed and caged!" Gilbert growled out. The doctor looked around until his eyes landed on the ground. Letting out a long sigh he stared back up at the Prussian.

"Gilbert, I want you take his file home. Look it over. Come back and talk to me tomorrow." The doctor excused himself and walked away. Gilbert sighed and walked out of the asylum.

"This isn't going to be easy, is it Gilbird?" The bird chirped and burrowed into the white hair. "I agree, awesome buddy. I agree…"

**End Chapter I**

Wow, thanks for the reviews you guys! They really did put a smile on my face. And I'd like to thank my beta, Madness. I do appreciate her guidance, a lot! *grins* Well, hope you enjoyed this chapter! ^-^


	3. Chapter II: Perfect Enemy

**Note: **Alright, sorry this took a while. . Things have been happening and well, yeah! Hope you all haven't abandoned me yet! I'm throwing up the unbeta'd version for now…I'm under the belief that my beta ran away with my chapter! *grins* No not really, she's been busy and I can understand that! ^_^ So without further delay, here is Chapter II! And please excuse all and any mistakes!

**What It's Like**

**Chapter II: Perfect Enemy**

**Previously:**

"_Gilbert, I want you take his file home. Look it over. Come back and talk to me tomorrow." The doctor excused himself and walked away. Gilbert sighed and walked out of the asylum. _

_ "This isn't going to be easy, is it Gilbird?" The bird chirped and burrowed into the white hair. "I agree, awesome buddy. I agree…"_

**/**

Antonio was sitting on the bay window seat. His emerald eyes trained outside. He was looking out for his albino friend. But with all the snow it made it hard. A small smile came to his face. A memory came to mind.

**/**

_ It was snowing and Antonio was standing outside his house waiting for Gilbert and Francis. The Frenchman said he'd be a bit late. Apparently Matthew was being stubborn about him leaving in this weather. Gilbert on the other hand had no one to tell him what to do since his brother was with his girlfriend. _

_ "Antonio!" The Spaniard grinned as he heard his own boyfriend from inside the house. Romano always came to America to spend Christmas with him ever since they hooked up back in Italy. He fell back against his porch and spotted the Italian standing over him, a scowl on his face._

_ "Yes, mi amado?" Antonio smiled. Romano leaned down and placed a scarf over his boyfriend's face. He kissed the brunette's hairline and headed back inside where it was warm. Antonio grinned and wrapped the scarf around his neck. Romano had strange ways of showing he cared. _

_ "Hey! Antonio!" Emerald eyes looked around but didn't see his friend anywhere. "Over here, you idiot!" _

_ "Mi amigo, you are so hard to see in this weather. You really need to dye your hair. Perhaps black or neon green? Maybe both?" Antonio suggested with a grin._

_ "Pfft! As if, man! My hair is too awesome!" Gilbert smirked as he punched Antonio's shoulder. _

**/**

Antonio shook his head and smiled at the memory. He felt someone standing behind him and turned. He saw Romano standing there, staring outside. He pulled the Italian into his arms and held him close.

"Do you think something bad happened to him?" Romano asked as he looked down at his boyfriend. "He's usually running in this weather."

"He'll be fine, querido. I promise." Antonio nuzzled into Romano's chest and prayed his friend was safe.

**/**

Gilbert finally reached the walkway to his front door. He felt fear hanging over his head. It wasn't fear of the people waiting inside. It was fear for Ivan. Gilbert felt lucky knowing he had a warm home with friends and family to greet him. Ivan only had the darkness and the chains that embraced his tiny form.

His thoughts went back to those sad purple eyes.

How can they just treat a human being that way? It was sick on so many levels. Red eyes narrowed at the thought, his hands balled into fists. He felt helpless. All he could do was stand on the other side of the barrier and watch someone suffer.

Slowly he walked up the stone walkway and opened the door. Walking through he stood in the foyer of the house for a while. He heard footsteps but he didn't acknowledge them. Arms wrapped around him. The smell of roses hit him like a bat to the face.

"It's alright, mon ami. We're here for you." It was Francis. He guided Gilbert to the living and sat him down. Antonio sat on the opposite of the Prussian and wrapped a comforting arm around his shoulders.

No one said a word for a long time. Feliciana and Romano had brought warm drinks for everyone. Ludwig asked Feliciana to bring a bottle of beer for his brother. When Gilbert was stressed sometimes alcohol was the best remedy. The young Italian said nothing and fled back to the kitchen.

The silence finally broke.

"It was like walking into a horror book." Gilbert whispered. Feliciana walked back in and handed him the beer. He accepted it graciously and kissed her hand, whispering a quick thanks. She only smiled and hugged him before sitting beside Ludwig.

"What happened in there, amigo?" Antonio asked as he took a sip of his drink. In all the years he had known Gilbert he had never seen him so quiet or shaken up over something like this. Psychology was his passion and yet, something about it scared him.

"His name is Ivan Kalinin Braginski. They treat the kid like a murderer but…" He stopped as he choked back his words. Thinking about it was hard. But actually having to talk about it was worse.

"Take your time, brüder." Ludwig said. Gilbert nodded his head. He took a long sip of his beer. The burning liquid brought him some peace of mind.

"They have him locked up like some animal! Mein Gott, he's chained to the bed and hooked up to machines that are supposed to supply him with proper nutrition because everyone is too scared to get near him!" Gilbert screamed as he slammed down the bottle of beer. No one dared to move.

"What's with the folder, eh?" Matthew finally dared to speak from his spot on the floor near Francis. Gilbert silently handed him the folder. "It's his medical file."

The albino merely nodded his head. Matthew opened it and blue eyes looked over what little notes there were. He sifted through the papers until something fell into his lap. He looked down at it.

_Age in photo: 16 years old_

Matthew tilted his head to the side and picked it up, flipping it over. His eyes widened. This boy looked like the picture of the boy on Ivanna's desk. Except there was no smile and those purple eyes were dead. The light long gone. 

"What did you find, Mattie?" Romano asked. The Canadian handed him the photo. "Is that really your patient, Gil? He looks so…"

"Young, I know." Gilbert finished as he took another gulp of beer.

"Maple…they have him all sorts of drugs!" Matthew exclaimed. "Antipsychotics, antidepressants, various nutritional liquids…the list is endless! How much medication does he need to be on?"

"The problem is they give him too much and complain how he doesn't speak! How can he when he's drugged up?" Gilbert growled as he tightened the drip he didn't know he had on his pants.

"May I see it?" Feliciana asked politely. Matthew nodded and handed her the medical file. She looked over it and a grin spread across her features. She showed Ludwig what she found.

"Brüder, there's a side note on the last page." The German said with a small smirk on his face. The albino looked up at him.

"What does it say?" He asked almost hesitantly.

"Well it says that Ivan is up for another trial and mental examination if improvement is evident." Ludwig handed the file to his brother. Red eyes read the sentence over and over. A smile came to his face.

"Perfect…" He whispered as his smile turned into a smirk.

**/**

Gilbert was lying in bed, his eyes trained on the ceiling. He could feel the brush of feathers against his face. He'd tried making Gilbird his own little bed from cardboard and failed. He even tried making a real nest but that too was a flop. In the end he settled for Gilbird sleeping with him. He reached up and stroked the yellow feathers.

"We have to help him, Gilbird…" He turned onto his side and held back a sneeze when the feathers tickled his nose. Closing his eyes, he let slumber take over.

**/**

Gilbert awoke the next day. He had a dream about Ivan and it wasn't all that pleasant. But before the dream could finish he had awoken. He turned his head and saw Gilbird. The yellow ball of fluff was staring back at him.

"I think…I'll go down there a little early, Gilbird. What do you think?" The bird chirped and snuggled up to Gilbert's neck. "How about we go wake up the others and go out for breakfast first?"

The bird chirped again and flew out of the room. Gilbert smirked and followed his friend to the guest rooms of the house. He crept into the bedroom that was right next to his and cringed.

'_Ew…Francis is naked!' _His mind freaked out but he bit back the urge to vomit and proceeded with his plan.

"FRANCIS! WAKE UP! ARTHUR IS DOWNSTAIRS COOKING!" Gilbert screamed. Francis and Matthew jumped up from bed. The Frenchman dove off the bed and scrambled to get to the kitchen, fully nude. The albino snickered and waited.

Ludwig's scream filled the house.

"Was that all necessary?" Matthew asked as he rubbed his eyes. His hair was more disheveled than usual but it made him look cuter. Gilbert grinned and nodded, satisfied with his work. He placed Gilbird on Matthew's head and left. He left the room and headed for the door across the room. He stood in deep thought for a moment.

Waking up Romano was like awakening the apocalypse. You just don't do it.

_'Screw the apocalypse, I'm going to have some fun.' _Gilbert thought as he pushed open the door.

He peeked into the room and nearly gushed with excitement. But he was too awesome for gushing. Romano was all curled up to Antonio. The Spaniard had a goofy grin on his face, his arms wrapped around the Italian. Gilbert snuck closer to the bed. A vicious smile came to his face as he reached out and grabbed the Italian's curl. Before all hell set loose he dashed out the door.

"TOMATO BASTARD!" Gilbert was snickering outside the door. Antonio came flying out. He had a look of confusion on his face.

"What did I do, _mi amado_?" Antonio pleaded as he went to go back inside. The door slammed in his face. "I swear I didn't do what you think I did! If I did anything at all, Lovi~!"

Gilbert burst out laughing. Antonio turned his glance towards the albino. His emerald eyes glared and he jumped him. They wrestled through the halls. Poor Francis who was heading back to bed got knocked over and caught in the struggle.

"Damn it, Gil! What did we say about morning calls?" Antonio growled. "Now mi querido is mad at me…"

"I think I scarred your brother, mon ami. You'd think he'd be used to seeing my beautiful body after all these years." Francis flashed a smile. Gilbert was used to it, he just didn't enjoy it. Francis loved to get naked no matter where he was!

"No one will ever be used to you naked, Francis." Antonio grinned as he pulled away from his friends. Gilbert stood and smirked. They helped their blonde friend to his feet. "So why the wake up calls, amigo? It isn't your birthday and you're clearly not drunk."

"Nein but I'm freaking hungry. So let's go out for breakfast!" Gilbert exclaimed.

"And what if some of us wanted to sleep?" Francis pointed out.

Three growling stomachs said otherwise.

"I'll go get dressed." Francis said as he walked back to his room. Antonio started knocking on the door and pleading for Romano to let him in.

**/**

They walked the snow covered streets. Francis and Antonio were on either side of Gilbert. Matthew was clinging to the blonde's arm. Romano just laced his fingers with Antonio's, though he was still mad for this morning. The albino had his hands stuffed into pockets. Gilbird perched atop his head.

Being the only one amongst all your friends that's single wasn't a pleasant feeling for Gilbert. He always saw his friends with smiles on their faces or getting some form of present from their lover. It was hard but he always put up the tough front. Well, except that one year…

**/**

_ It was Valentine's Day. The schools were very adamant on celebrating the holiday. The Bad Friends Trio were walking down the pink and red decorated halls. Antonio had a smile on his face and Francis was grinning. Gilbert was anything but thrilled. _

_ "Oh come on, amigo, cheer up! Maybe this year you'll get something!" The Spaniard said as he placed a firm grip on Gilbert's shoulder. "Love has a funny way of working."_

_ "I'm too awesome for love." Gilbert muttered. "It's easy for you and Francis…you guys have your boyfriends. Well you have a boyfriend Antonio. You on the other hand Francis, are dealing with the devil if you think Alfred will let you near his brother." _

_ "Ah, but mon ami, I'll win his heart soon enough!" The Frenchman exclaimed as he whipped a rose out of nowhere. Antonio and Gilbert shook their heads, slowly separating themselves from their friend. _

_ "Don't get your hopes up, Gil. It's only our Freshman year! You have four years to find that one person, amigo." Antonio offered. The Prussian nodded his head slowly as they walked to their lockers before third period. Coincidentally all three of their lockers were near each other._

_ "Oui, mon ami! Love will find you eventually!" Francis said as he entered his combination. When he opened it inside was a note. He reached inside and opened it. After scanning over it he let out a happy laugh._

_ "What's got you Francis?" Antonio looked over._

_ "Ah my dearest Mathieu has given me a love letter!" The Frenchman cheered. Antonio grinned and opened up his locker. Inside was a little tomato and a rose. He shook his head._

_ "Typical Romano…" He shook his head. Gilbert shook his head and opened his locker. He didn't understand these holidays and anniversaries or why people got so hyped up over them. It was a waste of money. When he peered into his locker his eyes widened. _

_Sitting on his books was a purple rose. _

_ "Gilbert! You got something, mon ami! But from who?" Francis pondered. He picked up the rose and looked over it. "There's no note. I think you have a secret admirer." _

**/**

They made it to the restaurant and walked in. Eyes widened when they Alfred with Arthur sitting at a table. The American looked over and a grin came to his face.

"HEY GUYS! COME SIT OVER HERE!" He yelled across the room. Patrons looked over at him but he didn't seem to care. The group walked over and sat down.

"Bonjour, Iggy." Francis said as he smiled at Arthur. The Englishman just glared and turned away. "_Mon cher_, I'm hurt! You ignore me so?"

"Of course I'm ignoring you, you imbecile!" Arthur countered as he took a sip of tea. Francis sighed and looked down. There was rough history between the two. No matter how hard the blonde Frenchman tried to make it better nothing seemed to work.

"Come on you two, don't you think it's time to bury the hatchet?" Antonio said as he wrapped an arm around Romano. The Italian scowled but leaned against his boyfriend's side.

"After what he did to me? Never!" Arthur claimed as he turned his head away in protest. Alfred sighed and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He pulled him in close and kissed his cheek.

"C'mon, Artie, can't you be civil for now?" Alfred asked with a smile as he placed another gentle kiss on his face. The Englishman pouted and nodded his head. "Thanks, Artie! You're the best!"

Arthur smiled when he received another kiss. He may have been dating a fool but he enjoyed the attention. Plus the 'hero' was very affectionate and that had to be a bonus somewhere.

An hour or two passed. Breakfast was quiet except the minor conversation. Gilbert looked down at his watch. Gilbird peeked out from his sweater pocket and he smiled. Could he go to the asylum early and perhaps see Ivan? He pulled out a bill from his pocket and placed it on the table.

"Later guys, I'm gonna go see if I can get into the asylum early." He grabbed his bag and smiled. He walked out the door. The others blinked confusedly and then stared at each other.

**/**

Gilbert made it to the asylum and he sighed. This place always made him so nervous. He was reminded of the file in his bag and all the information it contained. It scared him that one teenager can be so messed up after one accident. But then again, sometimes that's all it truly takes.

The nurse at the front desk smiled and waved at him. It was the bitch from the other day. He wanted to so badly flip her off or tell her to die. But before he could say anything the doctor from yesterday came up to him.

"Good afternoon, Gilbert! You're very early today, any particular reason?" He asked as he tilted his head.

"No, no real reason. I was just on my out from breakfast and decided I'd come early. See if I can get any work in." Gilbert explained as he looked around. "Hey doc, mind if I talk to you in private about something?"

"Of course, we can talk in my office." The doctor led the Prussian down the hall. "Is there a problem?"

"No, no. No problems at all, doctor. Just want to talk about Ivan." Gilbert said. The doctor nodded his head as he opened the door to his office, allowing the albino to walk in before closing the door.

"Did you look over his file? Anything you need to know should have been there." The older man explained as he sat in his chair. Gilbert took a seat across from him and sighed as he removed the manila folder from his backpack.

"The thing is doctor, I don't quite understand something." Gilbert slammed the folder down on the table, opening it. "Why is he on all these medications? The antipsychotics I can get but antidepressants?"

The doctor let out a long sigh as he leaned back into his chair and looked up at the ceiling. He seemed to be deep in thought.

"Gilbert he's on the antidepressants because we assume he is depressed about what he has done in the past." The doctor leaned forward onto his desk. "He murdered his father, Mr. Beilschmidt. Do you know what that's like? Knowing you killed someone in your own family?"

"I wouldn't know, doctor. Both my parents are dead." Gilbert admitted as he looked down at his hands.

"How did they die, Mr. Beilschmidt?" The doctor asked. Red eyes stared up at him. They were filled with anger, sadness and something else the doctor couldn't quite place.

"I…don't know, doctor." Gilbert said. It was confusion. The albino didn't know how his parents died and he'd never found out either. His family back in Germany refused to tell him

"I don't know how they died and it doesn't matter." Gilbert said as his eyes became stern once more. "All that matters is that I know about Ivan's situation."

"Very well but Gilbert, remember. I am a therapist. If you need to talk then my office is always open. Think of it as a benefit." The doctor offered. "Now as for Mr. Braginski, you're going to need to dig a big deeper yourself."

"I can do that, doctor. Now if you don't mind…I think I'll go pay him a visit." Gilbert said as he stood up, grabbed his backpack and walked out. He let out a sigh and headed towards the wing where Ivan dwelled. Gilbird peeked out from his pocket and chirped as it flew up to his head.

"Thought you left me all by myself for a moment, awesome buddy, you're never quiet." Gilbert pointed out as he reached up and stroked the yellow feathers. He opened the door to the room where Ivan resided.

"Ivan, I'm back!" He called to the Russian. Purple eyes watched him carefully. He tried to move but the chains rattled. Reminding him he had limited mobility. Gilbert walked over and sat on the ground before the Plexiglas cage.

"Don't try and move, alright? Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself, right?" Gilbert asked with a grin as he lifted Gilbird to one of the holes in the cage. The yellow ball of fuzz struggled to get through the hole.

"I should probably cut back on feeding him too much, huh Ivan?" The Prussian asked. Ivan nodded his head and Gilbert swore he saw a ghost of a smile cross the pale face. Gilbird finally managed his way through. The little creature flew over and planted itself on Ivan's head, burrowing under the matted dirty blonde locks of hair.

"He seems to really like you." Gilbert commented as he pulled his legs up to his chest. Red eyes watching his little yellow friend interact with the Russian.

Completely unaware of the purple eyes watching him.

**End Chapter II**

**Another Author's Note: **Alright, addressing the prologue and the Spanish. In the instance when Antonio was talking about the family, it was slang. ^-^ Just saying so there is no mix up or anything. So, if there is any future French, Spanish…or any other language, there will probably be slang! *grins* Again, I thank you all for the reviews!


	4. Chapter III: Minutes

**Author's Note: **Sorry about the wait…I've been sick on and off. . But I'm back and writing! Hope you all enjoy this chapter.

**What It's Like**

**Chapter III: Minutes**

**Previously:**

_"I should probably cut back on feeding him too much, huh Ivan?" The Prussian asked. Ivan nodded his head and Gilbert swore he saw a ghost of a smile cross the pale face. Gilbird finally managed his way through. The little creature flew over and planted itself on Ivan's head, burrowing under the matted dirty blonde locks of hair. _

_ "He seems to really like you." Gilbert commented as he pulled his legs up to his chest. Red eyes watching his little yellow friend interact with the Russian. _

_Completely unaware of the purple eyes watching him._

**/**

Gilbird was perched on its owner's new friend. Little black eyes stared down at the hair he was burrowed into. Carefully but quickly the fuzz ball started preening the locks of hair. He did it to Gilbert, so why not his friend?

Ivan shook his head and his lavender orbs looked upward. Although he couldn't see the little bird he knew it was there. The little creature brought him some happiness. It didn't show on his face but he could feel it somewhere. But where was it coming from? His eyes glanced over at Gilbert. The albino had been silent. He wanted to open his mouth but something told him not to. It wasn't the right time.

**/**

_ He was three years old and his first word had yet to be spoken. His parents talked to the doctor to check if it was normal. The doctor suggested therapy. At first they were hesitant but finally giving in. It was their son and they were willing to get any help for him. They didn't want their neighbors thinking their son was…abnormal. _

_They had a reputation to keep up._

_ So he went through therapy. It was long and tiring. The improvement was something the therapist had not expected…_

_ "So Gilbert, why won't you talk to your parents? I mean, you have a baby brother now. He needs someone to look up to, right?" The therapist asked. Ruby red eyes looked up and they seemed to glare at the old woman. He mumbled something under his breath._

_ "What was that, dear?" The woman asked._

_ "I said I hate them!" He growled out. "I hate my mom! I hate my dad!"_

_**/**_

Gilbert sighed as he remembered that moment in his life. It was all he could remember after Ludwig came. His parents had started to favor the blonde after he was born. It hurt Gilbert but he couldn't hate his baby brother for it. It wasn't his fault. So he blamed his parents for the neglect he felt in his heart.

But he still couldn't remember how they died.

He looked up and found Ivan staring at him. The purple orbs seemed to try and pierce his very soul but something stopped them. He rose to his feet and placed his hands against the glass. He wanted to go in so badly and hug the Russian. He wanted him to know he wasn't alone but he knew he couldn't. There was always that barrier between him and someone. Ludwig and he always had the barrier that the younger had an actual love life that was envied. The barrier between his two best friends and he was that they were actually talented in some way, plus a great love life to boot!

"You seem to be the only one how understands me, Ivan." He said as he looked down at his feet. His hands were balled into fists against the glass. When ruby eyes looked up they were filled with an emotion that Ivan had yet to see in such a long time.

Unhappiness…

Sure he felt all the time but he had never seen someone else so miserable, so unhappy. He wanted to break the chains, bust open the door and hug the man. But that was just a yearning he knew he could never fulfill. He glanced at the clock and looked down. The albino looked up at it as well.

It was time to depart.

"Gilbird, it's time to go home." The little yellow bird chirped and flew through the hole. It nuzzled into the pocket of its owners' sweater. "See you tomorrow, Ivan. I promise."

The Russian nodded his head and watched as the man walked out. Dare he call this strange entity a friend? No. He couldn't call anyone a friend.

_'They'll only betray you…they'll only break you.'_ How many times had this voice been wrong? It never had been. It had been the voice that saved his family from the wicked devil he called his father. But at the same time he had been exiled from the outside world. His only contact was the red eyed man that visited him every day.

Purple eyes glanced out to the tiny window. It was so close but so far out of his reach. He wriggled his fingers a bit within the jacket. They had gone numb a long time ago. He wasn't even sure he had a body anymore. He inhaled a bit of air before letting out a small sigh. Eyes glanced around briefly. What was that? It was strange but very comforting. He looked over at the door. Gilbert wasn't here. His eyes widened in realization.

The scent of that man lingered.

"…where…are you?"

**/**

Gilbert was sitting on the seat of the window in his room. Little Gilbird was perched on his shoulder fast asleep. He couldn't help but wonder back to his patient. Lately he had the center of all his thoughts. It seemed strange but at the same time it seemed right.

'_They say it's bad to get attached to your patients but I don't see the problem. Sure the emotional problems it brings and possible side effects but that seems unlikely. Ivan is too detached from himself…and this world._' Gilbert thought as he stared out across the little town he lived in. He rose from his seat and placed Gilbird on the pillow he usually occupied at night. Pulling on his hoodie and boots he walked down the stairs. Making sure that Feliciana and his brother were in their room he crept outside, shutting the door silently. He walked to the middle of their front yard and climbed the large tree. Perching himself on one of the thickest branches he closed his eyes.

"There is no problem…" He muttered to himself. "He'll be fine and soon he'll be free. Then he'll just be another memory for me to store away. Just like everything else…"

Gilbert had always hid things he didn't want to remember. Years of therapy had taught him keeping things somewhere in your mind was bad. It led to bottled emotions and that led to insanity.

But Gilbert was already on the brink.

No one knew that though. He hid his feelings with a smile and awesome laugh. His brother hated his life but his friends found it quite amusing. It was his little unique thing. Something only he could do. He let out a long sigh.

"Things are getting complicated. Maybe…just maybe the others were right for once." He said but paused for a moment. "NO! I can't think like that! Ivan needs me…the others are the crazy ones! Not me! I'm too awesome for that!"

Gilbert crossed his arms and pouted. He was too lazy to get down from the tree. Closing his eyes he decided to just rest a bit up in the tree.

What was the harm?

**/**

Gilbert sneezed and glared at his brother. Feliciana was busy wiping his forehead with a cold cloth while Ludwig lectured him. Next to his head Gilbird all bundled in a fleece cloth that the little Italian girl found lying around the house.

"Damnit, brüder! What were you thinking? Sleeping in a damn tree!" Ludwig yelled. Gilbert growled at the loud noise. This pounding headache wasn't going away with his brother yelling in his ear.

"Mein Gott! Shut up, Ludwig!" Gilbert yelled back.

"Both of you! Please, stop fighting! Doitsu, go downstairs. I'll be there when I'm done with Gilbert…" Feliciana said with a small amount of determination in her voice. Both German brothers remained silent, Ludwig finally moved and left the room.

"Thanks…" Gilbert muttered. Another sneeze and he fell back against his bed. Feliciana pet his forehead again with the cold cloth and then flicked him in the forehead. "Ow! What was that for?"

"That was for being irresponsible and sleeping out." She said as she left the cloth near a bowl. "Stay in bed, I'll be back later with something to eat. For once in your life Gilbert, listen."

The little Italian woman exited the room and Gilbert felt something in the pit of his stomach. It wasn't something wanting to come up, oh no. It was something that was making him feeling like the biggest asshole in the world. He sighed and turned to Gilbird.

"Awesome buddy, I feel awful…for some I feel bad for making brüder and Feli worry about me." The albino muttered. The little yellow bird cheeped weakly. "You're right, I'll apologize later but for now…sleep…"

No sooner had the words left his mouth Gilbert's eyes were shut and he was out cold. Little Gilbird's sleepy cheeps floating through the air.

**/**

This can't be happening.

How could this be happening? It didn't seem right and yet somehow it felt right somewhere in the back of his mind. He was mad and upset, he wanted to scream. He wanted to yell for someone. But he bit his tongue and opted for struggling. The chains rattled throughout his room.

Gilbert wasn't here today.

Ivan felt something strange. Something he hadn't felt in a long time. Was it anger? Was he angry at the albino for being a traitor like the others? No, it couldn't be. Or was it sadness? Was he sad because his new friend hadn't showed up? Ivan didn't know and he really didn't care. He wanted to know where the Prussian was. And there was only one way to find out.

Ivan let out a long scream.

It didn't take long for people to start running into the usually forgotten room. But it shocked and worried the masses. Ivan was usually so quiet but now where he was yelling at the top of his lung. The doctor finally walked in and headed for the door to the box the young man was kept in.

"Ivan? Ivan! IVAN! What's wrong?" The doctor yelled. But he got no reply from his patient. He looked at the nurses and found someone was missing amongst their group. The young Prussian that was usually here by now was missing.

Where could he be?

**/**

Gilbert sighed as his cell phone went off. He went to grab it but Feliciana grabbed it and handed it to Ludwig. The brothers were on better speaking terms. Blue eyes scanned over the number and became confused.

"What number is this, brüder?" Ludwig asked as he showed his brother the phone. Red eyes tiredly looked at the number. Soon those same eyes widened in realization. He dove for his phone but Ludwig slid out of the way.

"Ludwig, that's the asylum!" Gilbert growled as he reached for his phone again.

"You're sick! There is no way in hell I'm letting you leave!" Ludwig yelled as he held the phone out of his brother's reach.

"Ludwig, I need to at least tell them I'm not coming!" Gilbert tried to reason. The blonde groaned and gave in, handing the phone over to his brother. The Prussian flipped it open.

"Hello? Yes, this is he. What's wrong, doc?" Gilbert asked as his brow furrowed with worry. "What about Ivan? Oh. I can't…but doc! Alright! I'll…I'll be there soon."

Ludwig quirked an eyebrow at his brother as red eyes stared at him.

"Something's wrong with Ivan and the doctor wants me to come check it out real quick. Then I'll come back and you can bind me to the bed until I'm better." Gilbert tried reasoning with his baby brother.

"Fine but you're dressing warmly!" Ludwig said. There was no way he could say no to his brother. The albino gave a little cheer and hopped out of bed. He quickly dressed in his warmest clothes. He grabbed a small hat and scarf for Gilbird. The little bird chirped at his intentions.

"Sorry but you know he'll want to see you too, awesome buddy. Keseseseseses~" Gilbert chuckled as he dressed the little bird. Ludwig became a bit unnerved when Gilbird stared at him.

Was it possible for bird to…to glare?

**End Chapter III**

**End Note: **Again, I apologize about the wait and I'm sorry this chapter ended the way it did. Just during my sickness I got messed up somewhere along the way, this is the end result. Hope you enjoy it. I cut it short so I don't give the entire thing away…*grins*


	5. Chapter IV: There's No Need for Fear

**Note: **….wow. I'm sorry. I really don't know what to say except that….

**What It's Like**

**Chapter IV: There's No Need for Fear**

**Previously:**

"_Fine but you're dressing warmly!" Ludwig said. There was no way he could say no to his brother. The albino gave a little cheer and hopped out of bed. He quickly dressed in his warmest clothes. He grabbed a small hat and scarf for Gilbird. The little bird chirped at his intentions._

_ "Sorry but you know he'll want to see you too, awesome buddy. Keseseseseses~" Gilbert chuckled as he dressed the little bird. Ludwig became a bit unnerved when Gilbird stared at him._

_Was it possible for bird to…to glare_?

…

Gilbert was staring nervously out the window, feet tapping against the floor. His hands kept catching the ends of his sweater and fiddling with it. Gilbird could sense his nervousness and did his best to distract him. Even going as far as to try and peck the ruby orbs. The Prussian got mad but he didn't hit his little companion.

"I'm just scared, awesome buddy." Gilbert mumbled under his breath. "What if something awful has happened to Ivan?"

Beady black eyes stared at him and the little fuzzy body hopped up onto the Prussian's shoulder. Giving a little chirp of confidence the bird nuzzled into his master's face. Gilbert couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face. The little ball of fuzz was always there for him in his time of need.

"Thanks, Gilbird…" The Prussian said with a smile.

…

Gilbert all but ran through the doors of the asylum. There were people running around trying to keep the other patients contained. He ran down the wing where Ivan was kept, his brother and Feliciana were hot on his heels. When he came to the door it was crowded with people.

"Hey! Let me through!" Gilbert yelled. One nurse looked over and her eyes lit up when she the Prussian standing there. She managed to elbow through the crowd and grab his hand, pulling him forward.

"Gilbert, you came! Oh I'm so glad!" She said with a smile. Gilbert recognized this woman. She was one of the nicer nurses that worked in this place. He often saw her on his way in and they'd chat for a bit before he'd go see Ivan. "The doctor is in the room. People refuse to go in that…that cage they keep Ivan in."

Gilbert walked close to the door and got up on his tip toes. He saw people trying to communicate with Ivan but they were doing a horrible job of it. The man was still screaming bloody murder. It pained Gilbert to hear this horrifying noise. He always thought Ivan's first noise would be something more…pleasant.

"What happened? Does anyone even know what triggered this?" Gilbert asked as he rested flat on his feet. His red irises were filled with confusion but the woman could see the underlying sadness.

"We don't know. He just suddenly started screaming. We thought that maybe you could do something." The nurse commented, "You'd probably have a lot more luck than the rest of us, Gilbert."

The Prussian nodded his head. He pushed through the crowd, ignoring all the glares and curse words. He broke past the threshold and realized that being this close was a lot scarier. The screaming Russian was struggling with the chains, yelling in incoherent Russian and snapping at anyone who dared to get close to him.

"It's now or never, awesome buddy…" Gilbert whispered to Gilbird. The bird chirped in agreement. The albino stepped forward and made his presence known the doctor.

"Gilbert, you're finally here! Where have you been? Is everything alright?" He asked. Gilbert nodded his head and looked back over at Ivan, "We've been trying to sedate him."

"Don't." The doctor looked down at him.

"I bet your pardon? Gilbert, he's in a frenzied state! There's no reasoning with him!" The doctor stated firmly. But those red eyes stared right him filled with this determined fire.

"I want to get in." The Prussian stated coldly. The doctor was about to open his mouth but he saw a malicious glint shoot through those blood red pools. He bit his tongue and motioned for the security to unlock the door. The orderlies with the needles stepped out, glancing at Gilbert. Taking a deep breath, Gilbert stepped inside the Plexiglas cage and heard the door close behind him.

Nothing was said at first.

The room remained silent. Ludwig and Feliciana were watching on, worried for what was to come. Gilbird didn't make a peep or even attempt to fly over to the angry Russian. It was Gilbert's turn to make the first move. And he did.

"Ivan…" He said but he got nothing, "Ivan, I'm here."

But he still got nothing from the Russian. He swallowed the lump in his throat and decided to take another step forward. He lifted his hand away from his body, reaching out. Despite the locks of hair being filthy, they were oddly soft. With a bit more confidence he moved closer and continued to run hand through Ivan's hair. The Russian attempted to snap at him but that didn't scare the Prussian away.

It only pushed him harder.

"Ivan…its Gilbert, there's no reason to be scared." He said calmly as he moved his other hand forward, reaching out to one of the pale shoulders. The Russian ceased his yelling but his body still trembled, the chains rattling loudly, "I'm here now."

Gilbert had him wrapped up in a hug.

The room was in absolute silence. The doctor watched in awe as the albino made contact with the crazed patient. It was near phenomenal. No one had even dared to enter the box unless it was to medicate Ivan. This was a breakthrough, a big one.

"It's alright…nothing bad is going to happen." Gilbert whispered, "I promise."

Ivan found himself edging closer to the Prussian, body still shaking but taking comfort in the warm embrace. It had been far too long. Gilbird took this moment to perch himself in Ivan's hair, preening the filthy locks lovingly. Gilbert glanced over his shoulder, red eyes directed at the doctor. It was time they had a serious chat.

But for now, someone else needed him more.

…

They met after Gilbert promised to return to Ivan.

"What's on your mind, Mr. Beilschmidt?" The doctor sat down at his desk. Elbows leaning on the surface, chin resting on his laced hands.

"I've had a lot of time to think about things, doc." Gilbert said as a smile began to form over his face. The doctor's smile faltered a bit.

"Ah, you did? And what exactly were you thinking about?" The doctor asked as he attempted another smile. The boy sitting before in front of him was starting to strike a bit of fear into his mind and he tried his best to hide it.

"Well doctor, honestly, a lot. But let's begin with my patient." Gilbert said innocently, "I don't think there's a need for him to be chained up like a fucking animal."

"Gilbert, you've seen what he's like!" The doctor exclaimed.

"What I saw was a scared child, not a fucking murderer!" Gilbert shouted. He rose from his seat, his hands slamming down onto the desk, "Remove the fucking chains or I will!"

The doctor edged away from the desk, putting distance between him and the intern. He had many before the albino but none was like this. They weren't filled with a fiery determination. They let everything flow along its own course. But this one…this one was different. He didn't know if he liked it or feared it. He was about to give his answer but those red eyes…

_A certain gleam shot through purple orbs. A wicked smile crossed the pale face. Regret was nowhere to be seen._

They looked like Ivan's when the boy had first arrived. It bothered him but he didn't voice his concern. With a heavy sigh he responded, "Alright, Gilbert. We'll unchain him but the jacket and cage remain until we deem fit."

"Oh, give it some time. I'm sure I'll have him frolicking through the halls." Gilbert said with a smirk, "If you don't mind, I have a patient to tend to."

The Prussian walked out, slamming the door behind him.

The doctor knew he could have sent Gilbert away but something in him was interested to see what the boy could do. He was determined to be the best psychologist.

_'Let's see if the boy can walk the walk.'_


End file.
